I Hate My Printer

I Hate My Printer

My printer and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate my printer, and it loves to annoy me.

Some people might think I’m strange for directing hate at a mechanical object, but it deserves my contempt. It purposely tries to thwart my printing needs by acting out.  My verbal abuse in these situations probably encourages such behavior, but it is hard to reason with something that only knows how to print or not print.

We have been together four years, and these years have been filled with trials. One day, I simply asked it to print out one page of text. One page doesn’t seem like too much work. My printer, however, decided to take that one page worth of text and print it across ten pages. I was very unhappy with the waste of paper and its refusal to cooperate. After tampering with it, I tried to print again. Suddenly, the printer sucked out all the paper in the tray and shot it out at me. While my roommate rolled with laughter, I yelled at it for its blatant act of insubordination, as I gathered all the paper spewed around my floor. It was a sign of our relationship to come.

Some days, I will ask it to print a paper, and only half of the pages will come out. Days later, the second half arrives. Occasionally, it will decide it doesn’t feel like printing anything that day. My friends, of course, have no problem using their computers. Their calls for printing are always answered on the first attempt. It does this to spite me.

I just wanted to scan a picture. This shouldn’t be hard, right? It seemed very straightforward – place picture on scanning bed, shut cover, press scan, and—voila!—scanned picture. Of course, my printer would not let this happen so easily. I would press the “scan” button, and the infernal printer would just blink at me. I had scanned things before with no problems, but the printer did not like this picture apparently.  For days I tried everything I could think of to understand why it refused to scan. It finally took a visit from a friend, who works for IT, to get my picture scanned.

My resume has color in it. Therefore, when I want a copy, I have to use my computer. For some reason, my printer refuses to print off the last line. I have tried printing it off elsewhere and the line is there. It is only with my printer that the line is somehow absent. I have tried moving things around to move that line up, but nothing works.  I hate my printer.

I have learned never to trust anything important to my printer. I would rather walk all the way to the library than risk trusting my printer at the last minute. This rocky relationship will continue until it dies or I finally break down and throw it out my window.-

--Rachel Smith

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